


The less said about it the better

by junebugtwin



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Child Soldiers, Gen, Missing Scene, Nightmares, Paranoia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Toph Beifong, Self-Hatred, Toph Beifong Swears, Toph Beifong-centric, Trauma, Unreliable Narrator, me back on my bullshit, poor aang and sokka, rip katara, somebody please help these children, toph has a nightmare, toph is emotionally repressed as hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29498133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junebugtwin/pseuds/junebugtwin
Summary: Toph has a nightmare- or maybe her life is one now? Either way, it's not anybody else's problem. She can carry her own weight.
Relationships: Aang & Katara & Sokka & Toph, Toph Beifong & Katara
Kudos: 19





	The less said about it the better

**Author's Note:**

> :( All of these kids have PTSD. Also, I feel some kind of way about Toph using her earth bending abilities to constantly monitor her surroundings, especially all the times when she wakes everyone up because she feels something. That's a lot of pressure for a twelve year old...

The fire that blasts past her is hotter than she’d ever imagined it could be, and even as she leaps to the side the heat pinches at her skin, dries her mouth, singes her hair. She gasps and pants, every muscle in her body as heavy and immovable as a pillar of wood, creaking and slow and _flammable_.

There’s laughing in the air, bouncing chaotically around the room they’re in, echoing unhelpfully. She doesn’t recognize the voices, not at all- and it doesn’t make sense, this room is huge, bigger than she thought it was, but if she’s on the ground then why does it feel like all the smoke’s gathering around her? Is her hair melting from the heat? Are her lungs on fire? Where is-

The scream that rips through the air is enormous, it takes up all the space, fills it completely with the sound- pain and agony and fear- so much so that Tophs sluggish hands almost gain the will to clamp around her ears but- but –

But she knows that scream.

_Katara_

Her friend is _screaming_ , her friend is screaming in a way she never does, raw _vulnerability_ and pain that she keeps so closely guarded- and the voices that laughed in the background are still here, and Katara wouldn’t want them to hear her, and she’s hurt- she’s hurt she’s _hurt_ -

 _Get up!_ Toph yells at herself, gritting her teeth so hard that they ache. She has to go to her, protect her- maybe, maybe she can carry her, and they can find the rest of them, and even though she doesn’t know what to do, Katara will tell her, and she’ll be okay _, if Toph just gets **up,** get up, get up you **stupid fucking useless-**_ She pushes at her muscles with every inch of willpower she possesses, trying to mold her body like clay, like rock, like steel- but she can’t she can’t, she’s helpless, stuck hyperventilating on the ground, inhaling smoke, inhaling sand-

Katara’s voice stops. Her heartbeat stops. Her muscles relax and she limply hits the ground.

Toph finally, finally, fucking finally moves, springing upward from her prone position and struggling to her knees. There’s vines wrapped around her, or maybe sand, or her dress- but she doesn’t care, ripping it carelessly as she crawls forward.

The air is unforgivingly cold compared to the intense heat it was just a few seconds ago, and she has to break through her own protective rock tent, but it’s nothing- _easy_ , fucking finally easy, her body is actually doing what she wants it to, and she would laugh at the stupidity of it all if she wasn’t already crying the moment Katara’s unresponsive body hit the ground.

The people they were fighting might still be here, might still be laughing, might be aiming their next shot, but it’s barely a concern as she scrambles towards the familiar weight that used to mark her friends presence.

Katara’s laying facing upwards, and Toph knows it’s useless, knows she’s stupid and horrible and useless and _pathetic_ , but she has to- she _has_ to-

She reaches for Katara’s arm with clumsy hands gripping at her wrist and feeling, and hoping and _praying_ for that familiar warm heartbeat. Please- she thinks desperately- just let her hear that annoying nagging voice one more time- _please_

She feels it- Katara’s heart is beating- quite loudly actually, and she only gets a moment to process this before something wet and cold and about as hard as a fist to the face smashes into her side. She’s thrown, and embarrassingly, she’s waay too shocked to even try to land properly and instead hits the ground with an undignified little shriek. She rolls for a bit, before finally getting her bearings and managing to shove her hands into the ground and pull herself to a stop manually, leaving deep indents into the grassy terrain. Wait- grassy? Weren’t they just in a room?

She can hear the sound of rustling clothing, feel the distribution of weight as the two people- Aang and Sokka, she realizes belatedly- get up, Aang with a ‘whhoosh’ as he uses his bending to propel himself into a proper fighting stance.

Katara meanwhile has gotten up properly now, and despite her earlier screaming, seems to have no problem with movement. What the fuck was going on?

“Wha- Toph! What in the name of Tui and La- why’d you do that!?” Katara yells, sounding completely fine- pissed as all hell, yes, but fine. Her heart rate was beating pretty fast, but it’s already calming down, and suddenly it clicks-

A dream. She had been fucking dreaming- fuck- goddamit- she must have woken up at one point and just not noticed! Stupid! Bad enough that her lump of a brain couldn’t differentiate being awake and being fucking asleep, but she had to go all blubbering in front of Katara like a moron- She wipes at her face fiercely, pressing a bit too harshly on several new bruises she just got from the clumsy ass rolling she’d done moments ago.

Katara’s heartbeat picks up a little, and her muscles around her eyes clench in a very familiar ‘time to fucking worry’ way. Distantly she can hear Sokka and Aang whispering to each other nervously.

“I-I’m sorry, are you alr-“ Toph stumbles to her feet with a wince, suddenly incredibly fucking _angry_ \- angry at Katara’s anxious concerned **_pitying_** pitch, angry at Aang and Sokka’s stupid muttered commentary, fucking _furious_ at her own broken body, and her own broken mind, shame washing over her and choking her lungs, which are suddenly having a much harder time breathing.

“Oh drop it princess, you’re _fine_.” She snaps, like she didn’t hear Katara about to apologize with her own ears. She doesn’t need Katara’s apology, she doesn’t need anything from anyone, she’s Toph _fucking_ Beifong.

Katara bristles, like she knew she would, and she can feel Aang nervously shift on his feet, hummingbird heart beating anxiously.

“Um, guys, maybe we should just-“ Aang is interrupted, obviously. Even after all her training, he’s such a goddamn pushover.

Katara lets out a huff of irritation, her voice still cracking slightly from the adrenaline she no doubt had poured into her, waking up so suddenly.

“I can’t _even_ \- why are you doing this now! Why did you, like, attack me in my sleep?! And now you’re trying to start a fight!” And though she doesn’t say it-because no one ever does- she can hear the ‘ _what’s wrong with you’_ underneath it all, hooking its claws into her and pulling at her skin.

She doesn’t know what’s wrong with her, but whatever it is, it feels like it’s only gotten worse.

“I didn’t attack you!” She retorts instinctively, even though it’s a stupid thing to say, to draw attention to- but she can’t help it, the thought of hurting- _really_ hurting- Katara, of having her breath leave her, of her body cooling on the floor, screaming, _screaming_ -

Toph stumbles, groping for a nearby tree to regain her balance, suddenly dizzy. For some reason she wasn’t getting enough air, no matter how much she tried- and she shuddered, the feeling of helplessness crawling over her back.

At this point Aang has apparently had enough standing around, and he rushes to Toph side- holding her steady instead of demanding answers from her like she would’ve in his position. He was too soft and squishy- how was this kid going to kill the Fire Lord?

She wants to reject his gentle callused hands, to stand proudly on her own two feet, but she’s not honestly sure she could manage it-the only thing un-cooler than using Aang for a crutch would be to faint.

Sokka has moved over to his sister now, and he’s doing that thing he does, where he stands just close enough that you can feel his presence but doesn’t touch you. Katara’s even leaning into him slightly, which must mean she’s more shaken than Toph had first assumed. Guilt shoots up her spine.

The moth-crickets chirp stubbornly into the night and wind moves through the trees slightly, the breeze being cold enough that she has to hold back a shiver. One side of her clothing is wet, presumably from when Katara flung her like a ragdoll, and it’s not helping much with the keeping warm thing.

The silence lasts a few more moments before Toph decides she has to say something or she’ll go mad.

“It was an accident…I- I had a bad- I had a nightmare, or whatever, and I freaked out. “ She says the words bitter and her jaw tense. Her skin feels prickly and she feels far too open, like everyone in the world is starring at her, waiting for her to mess up. This is as much as she’s going to say; quite frankly it’s going to be a cold day in the Fire Nation before she reveals she was actually worried about Katara.

Katara’s concern and unhappiness is practically radiating off of her at this point, mushy and loud. Toph supposes she might empathize- she knows Katara has plenty of nightmares herself.

Mind you, she’s never done anything quite as embarrassing as this; she always wakes up suddenly, but quietly, heart beating at a frankly alarming rate, fists clenched harshly. She never cries, or yells, or even gets up. Toph thinks she’s probably had lots of practice doing it all quietly.

“Okay, I get it. I’m sorry for hurting you- do you need me to-“Toph interrupts her again, but this time with a much more casual tone. She’s tired; she just wants this interaction to be over, she’s humiliated enough.

“Nah, I’m good. Nice reflexes though sugarplum, you really got me.” She laughs, and Katara stutters, and Sokka chuckles half-heartedly, and she lets Aang hug her. They go to bed and Toph spends the rest of the night with her hand peeking out of her sleeping bag, despite the frigid cold. Her palm stays steady on the earth as she listens to her friends slowly fall to sleep.

They don’t talk about it the next day.


End file.
